Humility: Do you want to be well?

Here's the truth: some people are crazy. Here's a reason why: pride. Because of my job, I spend a large amount of time with people. I hear people talk all the time about how they want deeper relationships with people, with their family and with God. They'll say that they are honesty seeking God. They'll say they truly want to be healed or transformed. They'll say "God is changing me" and yet I see zero change in their lives. 

As a pastor and as a Christ-follower, it is my duty to disciple people. That means to help people become or understand how to become who Jesus would be if He were them. (The Spirit does the "become-ing") This process, although different with every person, requires me to do something uncomfortable: challenge people. In order for someone to grow, they must be challenged. This is uncomfortable, this is awkward, this is... well... challenging. 

I believe (this especially applies to Americans in the 21st century) that our pride has prohibited our ability to grow. The dream says, "You can be whoever you want to be. Build your life. You are the best person alive. You are the main character in this story." We are Americans so obviously we are the best. Social media is how we communicate now days and it gives us the unique ability to project something we aren't. We can use the best words, poses and filters so that the image people see is the most polished, perfect version of who we really are. This is why people will often say they want challenge but then realize that challenge means taking a look at the wrecked, broken person we really are, revealing that and stepping out of your comfort zone to change. Hiding behind our pride allows us to bury who we really are. This prohibits our ability to change or let God transform who we are. 

I have numerous people in my life that say they want God to heal them. They say that they want to be challenged and they say they want deeper, more fulfilling love in their lives. They ask me to challenge them so I do it. Their response goes one two ways typically. 1. They shut down. They don't actually know what it feels like to dive deeper or even take a look at the deep end of the pool. 2. They snap. They get defensive because they recognize that being challenged and diving deeper means stripping down to their undies and seeing who they really are in order to dive in. As Walk The Moon puts it " The real life love is under the mirror of the surface." The love that we want in our lives, the change we want God to do, becoming the person you were created to be is under the surface and it requires you to dive in head first in order to achieve it. Once again, the thing that stops this from happening is pride. We've become cozy and comfortable with where and who we are. Change means that we might have to shed some of the things we hold on to.

The Scriptures speak frequently about humility. "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."-James 4:10, "God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him." -1 Corinthians 1. "Sitting down, Jesus called the twelve and said, ' Anyone who wants to be first must be very last, and the servant of all.'" -Mark 9:35. There are dozens of verses and teachings against pride in the Bible. The religious leaders of Jesus time were known for their pride. They made others look bad so that they could appear to be better than they were. Jesus is constantly attacking them and pointing out that their pride will keep them from entering into the kingdom of God.

Jesus tells stories like the parable of the two sons (Matt 21) in which he tells the prideful religious leaders that the tax collectors and prostitutes (the very people they look down upon and judge) will enter into the Kingdom before them. Jesus heals a man who had been sick for 38 years. 38 years! Jesus first words to this guy is “Do you want to get well?” The man has been sick for THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS and Jesus’ first words are to ask him if he truly wants to be well.

Some of us (the people I’m writing this blog for.. which includes my self) do not want to get well. We know things aren’t well. We can sense and feel the brokenness in our lives. We ache with pain from a broken heart or the fears from our insecurities but at the end of the day, we don’t want to be well. Being well means acknowledging you are unwell. It means setting aside your pride and humbly saying, “I’ve tried to do things on my own and I’m just not good enough to make it happen. I need God.”

There are two questions that I try to ask the people in my life who say they want to dive deeper. “What is God saying to you?” and “What are you going to do about it?” It’s that second question that people get hung up on. I have a friend who has had their world rocked for years. They continually believe lies about themselves and lose their identity. They put themselves in compromising situations and as a result, they get hurt over and over again. They are extremely insecure, immature and broken because of it. They know this. They tell me on a regular basis that they’re seeking God and want to be healed. I’ll ask them “so what are you going to do about it?” and they immediately turn on defense mode and get angry with me for asking. I’m asking them to make the change that they say they want to see but their pride wont let them do it. She doesn’t want to be well because being well means letting go of the image we relentlessly project.

So, what is God saying to you and what are you going to do about it? Will you let go of your pride, admit you can’t make it on your own and humbly submit to the only thing that can make you well? Or, will you hold on to who you are? Will you hold on to what’s comfortable? Will you continue to project a fake version of yourself so that people wont ever see the real thing? Do you want to be well?

I’ll end with this: what if humility is the point? What if being low and humble and vulnerable is the end goal? Being born and dying: these are the two biggest events in life. They’re also the messiest and least dignified. We come into this world and leave it naked, alone, vulnerable and with nothing. No filter, no perfect tweets, no make-up- none of that matters to us in those moments. Who we are, how cool or significant or relevant people thought we were, how well we hid our broken hearts does not matter. All that matters in those moments is who God is and what He says about us.

Be healed.

How long, Oh Lord? (Good Friday)

I woke up with a very heavy heart today. Pain and sorrow is everywhere. Praying for the Kenyan students murdered. Thinking of my grandmother who came to America through Ellis Island 85 years ago and is now on her deathbed. The pain and brokenness in my own life is overwhelming at times. At times it feels like this wont ever get better. All this pain and  today is the day we (christians) look back on the crucifixion of Jesus. Good Friday. Remembering the day the Son of God was brutally murdered. That's good! Right? 

It’s natural for me to disregard the cross as just another piece of a large story. In a way, I think we focus on crucifixion too much in the church. The story of the cross isn’t unique because of ‘crucifixion’. Hundreds, if not thousands of people were crucified throughout history. The story of the cross is unique for other reasons.

People often ask, “Why doesn’t God do something about the suffering and pain in the world?” The answer is that God already has. He did everything that needed to be done with Jesus’ death.

The cross is God’s way of relating to us. God came down to earth to experience suffering and pain like we do. To say “hey, I feel ya’” to everyone who has felt the curse of suffering or pain. The prophecies of Jesus spoke of how he would be a man that knew suffering and was familiar with sorrow.  Familiar with physical pain through the brutal death he endured. Familiar with a broken heart through having the very people he healed and preached to turn on him and shout “crucify him!”

Possibly the most personal and relatable aspect of Jesus death is his battle with fear and anxiety. The eyewitness accounts of Jesus in the garden before he’s arrested paint a picture of a man almost in physical shock over what’s about to happen. Jesus asks God multiple times “if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.” He tells his disciples “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” That is incredible. The Son of God came to earth and was overwhelmed to the point of death for us. How relatable is that? God knows pain, he knows loss, and he knows stress, fear and anxiety.

Still all these sorrows pale in comparison to the abandonment Jesus felt during his suffering and death. The scriptures point out that Christ was with God since before the formation of the world. Christ has a closer relationship with God than any of us can imagine. John 1:18 states that Jesus was so close with God that Jesus is “in the bosom of the Father”. That is an intimacy that we will never know and that is the relationship between Jesus and the Father.

When Jesus suffered and died, he took on all the shame, wrath, guilt and sorrow that should have been directed at us. He literally took on the weight of the world. God turned his face away and for a brief moment, God was not with him. That is suffering. That is pain. Spending all of history in the bosom of the Father and then being completely abandoned. This is why Jesus cries out a quote from Psalm 22 on the cross when he says “my God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” The hopelessness and emptiness of living in a world without God, the world we all deserved to live in, was put on Jesus and he endured it for all of us. That is suffering.

So when people ask “why doesn’t God do something about evil or suffering in the world?” think of this. Think of what Jesus felt when He was on the cross, calling out to God and hearing nothing. Think of the heartache and physical pain He suffered. Think of the shame and guilt and the weight of sin He suffered so that we wouldn’t have to. God has done the only thing that could have been done about suffering in the world. He suffered with us and conquered death so that it doesn’t have the final say. Our suffering in the present world isn’t the end. Death doesn’t have the final say.

“Everything sad is going to come untrue.”

Abdication, Manipulation and Celebration

It's midnight, I'm exhausted and I should already be in bed but my mind is running and I can't seem to shake it. Must be a good time to blog. There's a whole lot of randomness on my mind right now so this could end up being a sloppy mess. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about people lately and knowing when to let some go. This concept seemed foreign to me earlier this year. I used to believe that I'm called to love all people. I need to forgive, love and help all people I come in contact with. I felt this way because as a Christ follower, we are told to love one another and to forgive and to live at peace with one another. That's great. The world would look much different if we all lived by this mindset but what happens when a person you care about abuses that love? What if your investment never yields a return?

I've been reading Donald Miller's latest book and it's got me thinking about this a lot lately. I typically try to love people no matter what. Even if they have hurt me deeply. I like to believe that if Jesus can forgive me for all the thousands of times I've messed up then why shouldn't I forgive for the few times a person hurts me? So I've done that or tried to do that all my life. It's paid off in most circumstances and has typically led to stronger, healthier relationships with friends and family. Where I'm struggling is with those people in your life that don't want that. What do I do with a person who's goal is to manipulate me time and time again? What do I do with the person who only wants my love if it benefits them? What do I do with the person who doesn't want forgiveness? Or, the person who hurts me time and time again? You've tried to love them, help them, forgive them, care for them or befriend them and they just do not want that or even seem to care.

Is it wrong to let them go? Is it wrong to give up on people? I've come to a point with a friend where caring for them has started to hurt me. Not just hurt me, crush me. This person has manipulated me, hurt me, put me down, projected guilt on me and everything in between but I still find myself caring for them. So what do we do? Do we keep pursuing it? Do we keep investing even when we know we will get nothing in return besides more hurt and pain? I met recently with a friend I deeply respect and who's opinion I highly value. He encouraged me to let go and move on. He even encouraged me to force myself to focus on all the pain that person has caused me and use that to break away form this cancerous relationship. It left me wondering if that's really what God wants. Is God alright with me walking away from someone even if they've intentionally hurt you time and time again?

Jesus talks briefly in Luke 10 about going out to find people of peace. He says how some people will welcome you into your home and will accept your love for them while others will not receive you. Those are not the people you want to invest into and you should move on. (paraphrasing of course. Call it the PSV. Parker Sims Version) Now I'm not one for trying to make Scripture say more than it is but there's something about this idea that has stuck with me. Jesus himself did not heal everyone who he came in contact with. We see people like the rich young ruler who "went away sad" and Jesus let him go. Jesus didn't chase him down or continue to pursue him. He saw that the man wasn't interested in what Jesus was giving and Jesus let him go.

Titus 3:10 states "Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them." Even more, Jesus talks about throwing seed on soil in Matthew 13. Some lands on rocks, some lands on path and will be trampled and some lands in good soil.

People manipulate other people and that sucks. Donald Miller says there are 5 types of manipulators in the world. #1: The Scorekeeper- keeps a record of every favor done and every favor owed. #2: The Judge- uses a moral code, opinions or worse, the Bible to make you feel insignificant for not being on their side. #3: The False Hero- this person promises things they can't and don't want to deliver on just to manipulate and provide false hope. #4: The Fearmonger: as you can guess, uses fear and intimidation. They surround themselves with very submissive people. Lastly, The Flopper: constantly seeking sympathy, attention and/or making you feel responsible for their pain or circumstance. All these are lethal.

I'll end with this; my best friend (love you Matt) once told me "Go where you're celebrated, not tolerated" and it's stuck with me for years. Yeah we should love each other unconditionally. Yeah we should care for those in need. Yeah we should embrace people who are different than us but there comes a point where we need to stand up for ourselves. If you're being manipulated or abused it's OK to run away. It's alright to acknowledge that that specific person is not good to you. There comes a time where we and I need to walk (or run) away and avoid more pain.

See, I was justifying what this person did because I still cared for them and still wanted to help. I didn't realize that by still wanting to care and help I was causing more pain and damage to myself. Sure, we can invest in people who can't or wont love us back the same but in the end, go where your celebrated. Appreciate the people God has given you that do care and do love you. Embrace them and their warm love for you. This will allow your love to overflow instead of leaking through the cracks that manipulative person made. Don't let them grind you down. Go where you're celebrated, not tolerated.

p.s. I wrote this while listening to the soundtrack for Interstellar. It's pretty epic. Go check it out.

Free until they cut me down

Parker Sims
@pPantzims