Tuesday, December 30, 2014

2014: Reflecitons, Revelations and Resolutions

It's hard to believe that tomorrow is the last day of the 2014. Another year full of unforeseen changes, a boost in gym memberships that will never be used, technological breakthroughs and tragedy. For me, the last few years have seemed to float on by. I still catch myself referencing events from 2011 like they were last year. With 2015 just a few days away, I've taken some time to step back and reflect on what 2014 actually meant for me.

It's funny how much I seem to overlook when thinking about the past 365 days. 2014 might have been one of the biggest if not the most monumental year of my life. I turned 22, (the same age my parents were when they got married) graduated college, got a full-time job in my field, broke up with a girl after a 2 year relationship, started a new relationship that was really incredible, got promoted, saw a few good friends get married, became an uncle again, got asked to be a groomsmen, said goodbye to my best friend as he packed up and moved 200 miles away, got broken up with and met some really great, new people. I went from college kid to graduate, unemployed to the ideal job, broke some one's heart and had my heart broken. 2014 was a huge year.

It's fascinating to reflect and see where you've come from. For me, it's all a perfect example of God speaking to the prophet Isaiah when he says " for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." I remember last January heading into my last semester of college and all the sleepless nights wondering what I would do with my life and where I would end up. I was constantly stressing over if I'd get a job outside of graduation and if I'd even like doing what I went to school for but trying to trust God through all of it. What happened? I got a job 45 minutes from Cincinnati with some awesome new people with freedom to do my job however I want at a good church. I remember all the time I spent worrying about the relationship I was in and wondering if I was really happy and there might be something better out there for me. Worrying that I might not be able to find a better person. What happened? I stepped out and met an amazing woman. That last relationship has  ended and I wont lie, it's been very painful because she is such a wonderful, beautiful girl. I learned that there is something better out there for you if you're willing to step out and follow God's lead. 

So it's the end of the year and I'm going through this gnarly break up. Losing someone you loved so deeply is never a pleasant experience. Investing so much and getting so vulnerable and "naked" (read previous blog. Vulnerability. Not actual nudity) with someone and having that go to waste is one of the worst feelings imaginable but its OK. I know it's OK because I can look back on 2014 and remember all the times I was at the end of my rope and on the verge of giving up. All the stressful, sad, lonely, fearful nights I spent worrying where I'll go, what I'll do, if I'll ever find another person, those were all taken care of in the most perfect way that I couldn't have managed on my own. 

All of this; my entire year, my entire life, the Christmas story itself. It's all an example and reminder that God does things differently. God's plans for us are so high above what we can comprehend. We thought we needed a warrior king to save us from slavery and God sent a little baby born in a stable in a tiny town in the armpit of the world who spoke love instead of manipulation and won the world over. So I'll admit it. This current place I'm in is rough. I haven't felt myself in weeks. This heartbreak has knocked me on my ass. It's alright though. I can't see it now but I'm learning something. God is using this to teach me and mold me and refine things in me to get me one step closer to being the person I was made to be. 

God's ways are above our own. Need an example? Think back to this time last year. December of 2013. Think about what you were wishing/hoping/praying/working/stressing for. Now take a look at your life and see how each of those things ended up. Maybe they are even worse than before. If that's the case, maybe your focus is off. Maybe you're focused on the wrong things and you're trying to be in control. So here's a fresh start. It's a new year. 2015 is another second chance to make it right. So whats my New Years Resolution? - To let go of control. To lean into this adventure that God has for me and to trust that His ways are above mine. I want to remember all God has done in the past and keep my eyes focused on Him. To constantly realign. To lose my life for Jesus only that it may be found. 2015 will be the year of humility for me. I am not my own. I can do nothing alone. I want nothing to do with living my life alone and away from God. I'm broken and fractured. I'm in pain. I'm angry. I'm bitter. I'm sad. Luckily, God is meeting us where we are and He is making all things new. He is not a God of broken things. He is the God of restoration and He is restoring me back to who He planned for me to be.

Cheers and Happy New Year!!!

p.s. Sorry for the extra typos. I'm doing this on my iPad at 1am and don't care enough to proof. Also, to those two girls I mentioned in this blog: I'm sorry if I offended you both. You are good people. 

-Parker Sims

Thursday, December 25, 2014

The Lifeboat, Vulnerability and Nudity (Very long post. Hope you make it to the end)

Merry Christmas! I hope everyone is having a great day! My family isn't coming over till 4pm so I'm spending the morning cleaning and enjoying the day off work. I know  better things to do but I feel the need to write. The topic of vulnerability has really been on my mind lately. Being vulnerable seems to be a lost attribute in people these days. I've been thinking about this lately because of the Christmas season. 

I would make the assertion that people today say being open and vulnerable is a sign of weakness. If you let people into your life then they could hurt you or know too much about you so we put up walls and hide things behind doors with locks and keys to avoid the potential for pain or the fear that someone might actually find out how weird or different the real us really is. People say being vulnerable is being weak but I think that's just an excuse to cover up the real reason, which is fear. 

Christmas made me think about this because God is really a perfect example of how to be vulnerable. He made the earth and humans. He placed humans in this perfect, beautiful world and gave them free will. He said "I love you with all my heart." and by doing that, He gave all the power of His relationship over to us to respond. How did we respond to God opening up Himself to us? We ran away. We knew God loved us and we decided and still decide today to run away and be unfaithful. Talk about a broken heart! God created us to have a loving relationship with Him and we didn't want that and ran away. 

Anytime you tell someone you love them or anytime you let someone in to those deep, dark corners of your soul, you are taking a risk that they wont like what they find or they wont reciprocate that same love or vulnerability to you and that is a very scary, very sad pill to swallow. Jesus was born in straw poverty in the most vulnerable condition imaginable. No glory, no honor, no gold. He lived his life being open an vulnerable and loving to all people and how did they respond to that love? Some responded with love and devotion back but the majority still went on living their lives. They even voted to crucify Jesus in public. Jesus' entire life was vulnerable. He was constantly with the poor, the sinners, the broken and the rejected. Scripture says specifically that he wasn't good looking or desirable at al. He seems to be the complete opposite of what our culture values as "worthy" today. 

Maybe it's because he, being Jesus, knew that the things like beauty, wealth, prestige, desire, and money didn't actually matter. He recognized what Donald Miller calls the "lifeboat theory". We all tend to view life as being stranded on a lifeboat and one of us has to be thrown overboard so we spend our entire lives trying to prove our worth or value above others in the lifeboat. We compete and try to out-do the others so that we can win their approval and therefore get to stay in the lifeboat. Jesus saw this and saw that it's B.S. 

What if vulnerability and humility is the point? What if humility is the eye of the needle we all have to fit through? (Sidebar- It confuses me and makes me incredibly sad that you can know a person for a long time and let them into those deep, dark, ugly places of your soul only to find out that they have been hiding who they really are from you all along. It's crazy that people will convince you they're being real with you and loving you and be secretly hiding their entire identity from you. It sucks! It gives you a little glimpse into the crushing blow that God feels for us when we throw away His love and His affirmation to pursue something that wont last. Loving someone so deeply and having it go to waste is not fun. Telling someone you love them and being so vulnerable and open with them and giving that power over to them and then that person says "Nah. That's alright. You keep that. I don't want it because I don't want you to know who I really am" is one of the worst feelings imaginable and we've all done that to God.) 

That was a really long sidebar. Back to it! What if humility and vulnerability is the point? I'd like to believe we were made to be incredible vulnerable and open with each other and with God. The only want you can experience love at the level you want it is to be vulnerable. We all want that deep, pure, "I can be 100% myself and I will be safe" love. The love that only God can really offer. We all want affirmation and we all want people to clap for us and tell us we are worthy but the truth is, this acceptance and wholeness only comes from God. 

We've been searching for it since we first said no to God's open heart and invitation to love Him back. This is why Christmas has become about gifts. We give gifts to each other so that we can get gifts and feel better. We receive a gift, we think "OMG! Someone sees that I'm worth something! I'm worth as much as a new bike or a PS4 or a new necklace!" We get our worth from the stupid retail gifts we receive rather than the truth. The truth is, Jesus cared so much about YOU that He came into the world, lived the most vulnerable, humble life ever known and died for YOU. Christmas is the ultimate reminder of self worth. "I'm worth a new TV or set of golf clubs!" No, you are worth so much that the creator of the universe came and died so that He might have us back in His arms. Jesus would rather go to Hell than live without us. That is where our worth comes from.

So back to vulnerability and humility. If Jesus recognized the lies that culture tells us and he saw past the smoke and mirrors show that Satan markets as "the good life", then we should life how Jesus did right? If Jesus had some inside track on what was really behind all of this and what really mattered then it would be safe to think we should life the way he lived. It's clear that the world paints a lie because we all feel it. Nothing lasts. Even people let us down. There has to be something more because we are all constantly living to find it. So what if humility and vulnerability is it? Jesus lived the most humble, vulnerable life ever so why shouldn't we? He was real, he was raw, he wasn't afraid to dive into the ocean with people and explore those deep corners of our lives. He gave love without expecting love in return. He suffered and died in the most shameful, public, humiliating way possible so that you and I might accept his invitation to a relationship and then return that back to him. 

We have to get out of the lifeboat. We have to recognize that the things everyone is searching for: the affirmation, the love, the applause, the acceptance all comes down to our broken relationship with God. The only thing that can fill and sustain all these needs we have. So what does it look like to step out of the lifeboat of lies? Maybe it's being vulnerable. Maybe it's loving relentlessly and opening your lives to others the way God opens His to us? Maybe it's no more walls? Maybe it's being real? 

I'll end with this, and I know this has been a long one some thanks to all who have made it this far! Back in the Garden, when everything was how it was meant to be, Adam and Eve were naked. The writer of Genesis tells us many times "they were naked and unashamed". It's said so many times that it must be an important idea or theme. Adam and Eve were so vulnerable with their relationship with God and each other that they were completely naked and didn't even care. Our fear of vulnerability is the whole reason we even wear clothes. If beauty is just a false value for the lifeboat then there's no other reason we wear clothes. It's incredible to think of the possibility of having a relationship so vulnerable with God someday. Where we are naked and not ashamed. Wholly save wholly loved, wholly vulnerable, wholly affirmed, wholly accepted. Remember, our skin is more waterproof than gore-tex.

Merry Christmas!

-Parker

Thursday, December 11, 2014

It's a trap! (counterfeit gods)

I'm about to be a little too vulnerable.

 I'm going through one of those incredibly terrifying times in life where it seems like almost nothing is certain. There have been a few unexpected changes and experiences over the last month or so that have put me in one of these stages where it feels like almost nothing is certain. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about her life and she let me know that she is also in one of these stages. She is working her way through college but has hit a point where she's completely unsure of what it is she really wants to do with her life. She says she doesn't even know what her life will look like in 6 months. I feel her pain.

Last time I felt like this was going into my last semester of college. Not knowing where you'll work or even if you'll be able to find a job. Not knowing where you'll live or where your friends will move and if they'll stay in contact or just fade out and become another "I used to know them back..." These times in life are some of the most difficult. Like I mentioned earlier, I am currently living in one of those phases and it has legitimately shook me. I am not myself. I spend the majority of my days focused on hypothetical scenarios and "what if" possibilities that might never happen. I've spent more time in prayer and in Scripture in the last month that I have in a very long time but I can't shake it.

I spend my mornings, nights and various hours in between crying out to God but I hear nothing. I'm trying to seek His kingdom first but it feels like I'm holding onto a broken plank of wood in the middle of the ocean. The swells knock me off my tiny plank and I go under and lose where I am. I swim back to the surface, find my plank and wrap my arms around it just seconds before another wave hits. Why can't I get out of this? Why am I sinking?

I heard someone talking today about counterfeit gods and the things in life we worship instead of God. He talked about how we can try all we want to grow closer to God and seek Him but we can't really get there until we repent and change our direction or our minds. I wont lie, I didn't pay much attention to all of this because my life is fine right? I'm clearly only seeking God! I'm seeking His kingdom first! Look! My life reflects that! Wait. I'm literally drowning.

The guy talking about all this said "Want to know if you worship something? Finish this sentence. 'If I just had _________ I would truly be happy." That is THE question isn't it? If I only had more money, that job, that dating relationship, a wife, kids, a better family, a better body, more friends, fame etc. The list could go on forever for all of us. It's kind of incredible and truly sad to look at all the things we think we need. It's also depressing to think of how easily we can get pulled in the wrong direction. We live in a counterfeit culture. Our culture (America) promises so many things that only God can deliver on. God promises all the things culture can't deliver on. I get distracted so easily. I see something I want and begin to make that what I worship and pretty soon I'm being tossed back and forth by waves. I'm alone in the middle of the ocean and I can't find my way out.

I have a goal I try to accomplish every day. I try to answer the questions "What is God saying?" and "What am I going to do about it" So clearly God has called me out on the idols of my life. My life over the past month is the result of worshiping them too. I don't want to be there. That place is Hell. It's almost comical to think about how blinded I am and how easily I get lost. How quickly I'll push God off and put something else on the throne of my life. It's like I know it too but I'll convince myself I'm alright. I tell myself I'm fine and tell myself it wont consume me but here I am once again.

So what is your idol? What do you worship? What do you need to be truly happy? Can that thing actually deliver on what it promises?